The Village In The Woods - 2019 - UK

The Village In The Woods - 2019 - 7/10

“Rebecca” inherits an inn in a remote village.
She and her boyfriend, both down on their luck, believe they can reap a financial killing if they sell!
Thing is … the village seems on its last legs, and the pub could bring back the “good old days.”
So the inhabitants, while beaming welcoming smiles, nurse private agendas.

Low-budget horror works wonders with atmosphere, mist and sound design.
The pace is slow, but the tone broods, descending into fatalistic territory.
Our young couple, not exactly pillars of honesty, soon grasp how out of their depth they are.

The plot, one of folk horror, has been done in numerous guises.
Acting is top rate, and the director really keeps a leash on excesses.
Possibly scoring this a point high because it was a pleasant surprise.

Only The Animals - 2019

Only The Animals - 2019 - 7/10
AKA - Seules Les Bêtes

Unexpected company, the worst. Especially when …
Well, don’t want to reveal anything, now do we?
A handful of characters interact, weave and tangle themselves in a tightly engineered plot.
Individual narratives are linear, overall composition is not. Stay sharp!
Effective use of isolated French countryside enhance stories of self deception.
Excellent thriller. Beware of spoiler laden reviews.

Vengeance - 2006

Vengeance - 2006 - 5/10
AKA - Phairii Phinaat Paa Mawrana // ไพโรจน์ไพนาทภาวนา

How did I miss this one?
Wildly over-the-top Thai actioner.
Convicts bust out of the prison with determined police in pursuit, helped by local guides.
Until cons enter the forbidden jungle. Then guides flee.
Police charge in anyway!
Next thing, there are jungle maidens wielding crossbows.
Killer wasps. Menacing midget crocodiles. Giant snakes. The cursed village!
Terrible acting, ridiculous CGI, preposterous plot.
I gave it a 5, but it is brilliant for what it is.
Must see, if you are into this. I laughed throughout.

Baise Moi - 2000 - France

Baise Moi - 2000 - 6/10
AKA - Rape Me

No holds barred French rage flick as two abused hookers barrel into crime spree.
Sleazy, graphic, repellent to many.
Violent robberies, counterbalanced with lulls featuring hardcore sex. Leads were porn actresses.
Sensitive male viewers, be warned, gun fire targets the crotch.
A fun film? Hardly.
You want a “road movie” with nasty souls, enduring an ugly world, with no sense of humanity?
Dial this up.

Star Wars XXX - 2012 - USA

Star Wars XXX - 2012 - ??/10

My my my. I gave a friend, huge Star Wars fanatic, a couple of fanedits.
Next time I visit, he makes a big production - in front of his new girlfriend - of giving me one from his stash.
“See, I’m getting rid of them,” he says, loudly.
If porn is your thing - know thyself - then you already own this parody.
Two hours of Jedi porn with upraised sabers, wookie meat, Darth’s interrogating tool, Obi’s wand.
Yes, some of us get all the luck.

To be fair, there were several funny moments in this beat for beat riff on the familiar story.
Hell, half the lines were script paraphrases.
For me, bam bang sequences were unimaginative, overlong, and repetitive.
During multiple bout orgy at the Mos Eisley cantina, the band played the damn cantina theme for 30 minutes!
Surely the producers could have jizzed up a couple other tunes on a cheapo casio keyboard.

Corruption - 1983

Corruption - 1983 - 4/10

Ambitious porn launches intriguingly, before lapsing into the usual tropes.
Williams, hungry for power, makes a “deal” and descends while “Boris Godunov” plays.
To his consternation, he realizes the deal is not closed.
Or he failed to understand what was expected.
In any event, he goes from room to room, chamber to chamber, forced to satisfy the needs of the dwellers within.
The writer-director-producer nurtures artistic pretensions, but lacks the ability to pull them off.

Or his financial backers demanded he “jettison the artsy stuff” and stick with per-quota bump and pump.
Referenced on X-Rated: The Greatest Adult Films Of All Time (2015), this is a dull affair.

Cinderella - 1977

Cinderella - 1977 - 4/10

Good natured porn musical from the Golden Era, starring Cheryl ‘Rainbeaux’ Smith (Caged Heat, Revenge Of The Cheerleaders).
Lots of terrible jokes. Costumes. Musical numbers - yes, this was a musical! Songs are awful.
At least the thespians look like they are enjoying themselves, whereas current porn acrobats often appear to be suffering difficult bowel movements.
Not only does the Fairy Godmother give Cinderella a fancy gown and horse & carriage, but her velvet temple is transformed into a “snapper.”
This drives the Prince into immediate addiction, so that he scours the Kingdom and bangs all eager beavers in his snappy quest.
An altogether bad film, compensated with a degree of heart.

X-Rated: The Greatest Adult Films Of All Time - 2015 - USA

X-Rated: The Greatest Adult Films Of All Time - 2015 - 6/10

Chronological sweep of adult features. Opens with Deep Throat, closes with Star Wars XXX.
Luckily, or sadly, I have watched both, and many of the movies in between.
Doc runs 95“, and each film gets a little over five minutes. 30 - 35 films showcased.
Directors interviewed, porn stars, as well as choice clips.
Again, these are porn features. Those with bare plots. Not the spray revue.
Tone is - “Oh what a fun time we had!” glossing over discomfort.
Useful checklist for fans looking to fill gaps in their viewing bucket list.
Do not skip the closing credits.

MOZU S02 - Wings Of Phantasia - 2014 - Japan

MOZU S02 - Wings Of Phantasia - 2014 - 7/10
AKA - Maboroshi no Tsubasa // 幻の翼

 

After the sheer carnage that was MOZU S01, one might assume few characters survived for a second season.
This launched weeks after the first ended, so S02 was always in the cards.
The three leads returned and picked up unresolved stories and loose ends.
More talky than S01, a pace below the pedal-to-the-metal action of that season.
Nevertheless, investigators probe deeper into conspiracy and family skeletons.
Absent family members are followed, as well as the truth of the dungeon of Omelas.
As with the first season, the sound design is outstanding. From dark ambient to musique concrète.
Also, lest Shrike fans lost heart, the icepick abides.

A note about subs

The best available subtitles are by Miharu-Rush, and those are .ass subs which some units cannot decipher.
I converted Miharu-Rush’s .ass subs to .srt, removed overlapping titles which would not display, overhauled the syntax and grammar, Westernized the dialogue, and streamlined the length.
From “I intend to definitely be helping you,” to “I will help you.”
My .srt is on addic7ed = http://www.addic7ed.com/show/4727 and
subscene = https://subscene.com/subtitles/mozu-mozu-no-sakebu-yoru/english/1161647
Credit Miharu-Rush for original subtitles, and permission to convert.

MOZU S01: Cries Of The Night - 2014 - Japan

MOZU S01: Cries Of The Night - 2014 - 7/10
AKA - Mozu no Sakebu Yoru // 百舌の叫ぶ夜

 

Furious J-dorama, steeped in Noir. Endless cigarettes, rain soaked nights, mysteries, terrific villains.
You prefer comedy, romance, superheroes, or teens, this ain’t it.
MOZU translates as shrike, as in the bird that impales its victims on spikes or barbs.
In this case, the hitman and his trusty icepick.
While police investigate a terrorist bombing, they trespass into another agency’s pursuit of a corporate assassin.
Conspiracies surface, business and political treachery vie with flawed enforcement.
Twists abound, and several characters step deeper into doomed territory.
Scant light in MOZU. Good choice if you are the black-hearted type.
γνῶθι σεαυτόν

A note about subs -

I converted Miharu-Rush’s .ass subs to .srt, removed overlapping titles which would not display, overhauled the syntax and grammar, Westernized the dialogue, and streamlined the length.

From “I intend to definitely be helping you,”  to  “I will help you.”

My srt = https://subscene.com/subtitles/mozu-mozu-no-sakebu-yoru/english/1161647

Credit Miharu-Rush for original subtitles, and permission to convert.

 

 

My Life In The Air - 2005 - France

My Life In The Air - 2005 - 6/10
AKA - Ma Vie en l’Air

Offbeat French romantic comedy.
At a party, a man meets his “soul mate.”
Within a few months, however, she is off to Asia for at least a year.
He could visit any time, except he has a phobia of flying.
Oh yes, he works as an evaluator in a flight simulator.
His slob of a best friend moves in with him, and our man dates a dizzying array of females.
None are really right, they are just right now.
Predictable at times, with the unexpected striking from nowhere.

 

London - 1994 - UK

London - 1994 - 7/10

“… if he looked hard enough, the surface of the city revealed historic events, through which he hoped to see into the future …”

A rather elegiac journey through London of 1992 with our narrator and his unseen companion, Robinson.
The tone is bleak, reflecting the liberal mentality of the time, as the Tories begin to appear unbeatable.

Predictions are made of what shall be cast aside, what classes will suffer
A wonderful, moody time capsule as futures and possibilities seemed to constrict for many.
In a few years, New Labour would splash into power and herald Cool Britannia.
And outlooks would brighten, if for a few turns of the world.

“London was the first metropolis to disappear.”

 

 

 

 

 

Nuns That Bite - 1977

Nuns That Bite - 1977 - 6/10
AKA - Torn Priestess
AKA - Onna Gokumon-chô: Hikisakareta Risô // 女獄門帖　引き裂かれた尼僧

Young woman, beaten and sexually abused by her master / lover, flees into the woods.
Next, she is “rescued” by two woodsmen who feed her before forcing themselves onto her.
Finally, she finds sanctuary in a remote convent of nuns.
The abbess indulges in opium, the acolytes seek spiritual awareness through sensual encounters.
Menfolk are not permitted, intruders meet a dire fate.
Short (barely an hour) nunsploitation flick packs in rapes, lesbianism, cannibalism, groovy funk music, loads of nudity, carnal romping, psychedelic magick, an almost incoherent plot, and over a dozen characters you will never keep track of.

Malina - 1991

Malina - 1991 - 4/10

Say what?
Study of French “writer” mixing her characters with imagined fantasy life with personal memories.
Maybe.
Narrative(s) jump abruptly, charting the writer’s activities and mental deterioration.
Isabelle Huppert immerses herself in multiple roles (she’s terrific), but the plot is extraordinarily confusing.
Based on novel (which I have not read). Per reviews, those who have read same book appreciate film more than those who went in cold.

Tamara Drewe - 2010 - UK

Tamara Drewe - 2010 - 6/10

Ugly duckling Tamara moves to London, hits the gym, chops the nose, and returns to her rural roots during a writers retreat.
Tamara (Gemma Arterton) appears wearing short shorts, fashion hair, and drop dead looks.
Several males hide the sausage with her, including a rock star.
Not a comedy, nor a drama. British cow-over-the fence piece. Nice scenery, but dull.
A rather dotty film, heavily beholden to The World Of Henry Orient owing to two obsessive young girls.
Couple of songs by Swipe had me checking www_allmusic_com.
Worth a look if you want to see Ms Arterton.

The Deep Blue Sea - 2016

The Deep Blue Sea - 2016 - 7/10

Theatre junkies, rally round!
During the Covid lockdown, the National Theatre began limited airing of stage classics.
Hester is discovered and revived after a botched suicide.
Her boyfriend is away, so one of the neighbors contacts Hester’s husband, whom she abandoned.
The story occurs in one set, across one long day.
Choices, made a year earlier, knot into despair.
The bitter agony of love mismatched, where you hold so tight you claw each other.

Lost In Austen - 2008 - UK

Lost In Austen - 2008 - 7/10

Warning! Chick Flick Alert!
Loving homage to Pride And Prejudice.
Passionate Austen reader, Amanda Price, somehow enters the alternate literary universe and switches places with character Elizabeth Bennett.
Miss Price, knows the characters and knows the narrative, so she tries to help the plot with unexpected consequences.
Next, she tries to repair her mistakes and further compounds the disasters.
This film (mini series, actually) was devised with heart and invention.
It was released two years after the Keira Knightley version of P & P, which I loathed (vamped the plot for ADD types).
Note: Seek out the UK version. Versions in other countries are missing Amanda’s ringtone, which was an in-joke, as well as the “Downtown” scene.

Borderland - 2007 - USA

Borderland - 2007 - 6/10

Three University of Texas grads cross from Brownsville into Matamoros, Mexico for 'shrooms and poon.
One is kidnapped by drug mafia who practice Palo Mayombe, a bloody offshoot of Santeria.
They want an Americano sacrifice.
The movie is well shot, with a good feel for the border zone. Kids who look for trouble usually find it.
Nudity, drug use, language and extreme violence.
The ending became far fetched.

The actual DVD features a documentary on the real story, based on Adolfo de Jesus Constanzo, practitioner of black magic, torture, human sacrifice.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolfo_Constanzo

Haute Cuisine - 2012

Haute Cuisine - 2012 - 6/10
AKA - Les Saveurs du Palais

Film crew arrives in Antarctica, looking for “a story.”
During lunch, they realize the ordinary staff enjoy unbelievable gourmet fare.
Because, once upon a time, the camp cook had been personal chef for the French President.
How did the petite female transition from Parisian opulence to the polar wastes?
Seasoned souls should anticipate images of extraordinary food, priced accordingly.

The Saint’s Double Trouble - 1940

The Saint’s Double Trouble - 1940 - 5/10

George Sanders plays the Saint, as well as, the Boss.
Good guy and villain.
Fast moving B-film of smuggling, mistaken identities and mummies!
Simon, pursued by police, feds and dimwitted henchmen, tries to solve a mystery and woo a fetching blonde.
Speaking of mummies, Bela Lugosi plays the Boss’s right hand man.
Empty headed, but fun.

Wild Target - 2010 - UK

Wild Target - 2010 - 5/10

Hitman Bill Nighy is hired to kill con-woman Emily Blunt after she cheats Rupert Everett with a fake Rembrandt. Nighy’s character is amused by her, then intrigued, protective, finally in love.
Odd British “comedy” with a who’s who of talent including Eileen Atkins, Rupert Grint and Martin Freeman.
At one point, during an absurd car chase, I turned to my companion and asked aloud if Benny Hill was still alive.
To be fair, my companion, already tipsy, loved this forced farce way more than I.
OK time waster.

Cible Émouvante - 1993 - France

Cible Émouvante - 1993 - 6/10
AKA - Wild Target

Victor Meynard, number one hitman never misses, never fails.
Until he is given the contract to whack a small time con artist.
An attractive, if sarcastic, con artist.
French comedy does not spare in the assassinations, and is laced with black humor.
Remade in 2010 with Bill Nighy, although that version seems more reserved and lacks the joie de vivre.

Bottoms Up - 1960 - UK

Bottoms Up - 1960 - 6/10

Entertaining relic charts the warfare between pompous headmaster and truculent boys in the third form.
This is a rapid fire, blustery comedy, lacking underlying nuance.
The teachers are sketched out lightly, as are most of the boys.
Center stage is a test of wills, in a school renowned for failure.
Indeed, enrollment has been decreasing at an alarming rate!
Funny throughout, some of the gags are use cultural stereotypes.
Not overly offensive, though thin skinned may wish to avoid.

The Girl Who Knew Too Much - 1963 - Italy

The Girl Who Knew Too Much - 1963 - 5/10
AKA - La Ragazza Che Sapeva Troppo

American turista, reading too much pulp fiction (Giallo) arrives in Rome and is soon in a mystery.
Restless, she walks the streets late at night, is robbed, then witnesses a murder.
Police investigate, there is no corpse, there is no blood.
One wonders how fanciful Nora is. She is engrossed with trashy books, and accidentally puffed marijuana cigarettes during her arriving flight.
Memorable camerawork, outstanding exterior locations boost what is considered “the first Giallo.”
Nevertheless, the story is a trifle, undermining the tension with romance and comedy.

Bedlam: S01 - 2011

Bedlam: S01 - 2011 - 6/10

For Lease!! Newly refurbished living accommodations with latest mod-cons!
Ongoing construction means fantastic deals for you!
Oh, yeah, this place used to be an insane asylum where multiple mysterious deaths occurred.
That’s OK, our handyman Jed sees ghosts! Ask him to protect you! Cheers!!!

Yes, Jed can see the lingering presences, and this place is packed with them.
All seem pissed off, have a score to settle, or an axe to grind.
Doesn’t matter if living residents were in no way responsible for their plight.
Each week is a one-off adventure and watchable. There is a S02, which I have not viewed.

Give 'em Hell - 1955

Give 'em Hell - 1955 - 6/10
AKA - Ca va Barder

Fun, albeit extremely confusing Eddie Constantine vehicle.
He hires on as investigator for shipping magnate / arms dealer.
Vessels are being hijacked and contents stolen in Mozambique.
Our man is soon dealing with smugglers, embezzlers, gangsters, scam artists, and lots of barely dressed, gorgeous women (or, to use the vernacular of the day, dames).
If you think Lemmy Caution territory, you would not be far off.
This strikes me as a spoof of that franchise.
Fistfights are sheer nonsense, and chases are undercranked (ie: Benny Hill).
Nonetheless, blacklisted Hollywood director John Berry does wonders with small budget, as far as the look goes.
Enjoyable time waster.

Filthy Gorgeous: The Bob Guccione Story - 2013

Filthy Gorgeous: The Bob Guccione Story - 2013 - 6/10

By the numbers documentary of the publisher of Penthouse.
Mr Guccione’s early struggles to establish himself as an artist, before launching the magazine.
Fights with self righteous moralizing zealots, the building of a publishing empire that included Omni and Spin.
Then not recognizing times were changing.
Assorted family and colleagues reflect, mostly positively, on the man they knew.
The doc feels shallow, like the producers built this up from online sources.
In other hands, perhaps this would have been better . . . perhaps not.
Guccione, Hefner, Flynt, may not have been as compelling as their facade or empires.

Rolling Stone’s profile of Guccione fills in more details than the doc -
https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/news/the-twilight-of-bob-guccione-20101021

À Nos Amours - 1983

À Nos Amours - 1983 - 7/10

Sixteen year old Suzanne discovers boys, more boys, even more boys!
Infatuation? Acting out? Rebelling against parental control?
The director keeps a loose leash on proceedings, so viewers are left to observe and wonder - or shrug.
Suzanne is seeking ”something” and not necessarily romance or carnal release.
Weak on narrative, yet a pinpoint character study.
Sandrine Bonnaire (in an extremely early role) is unforgettable as the wayward, beguiling Suzanne.

Prog Rock Britannia: An Observation In Three Movements - 2009

Prog Rock Britannia: An Observation In Three Movements - 2009 - 6/10

Ha ha ha.
Zillions of notes, oddball time signatures, fairyland lyrics, Roger Dean art, Gabriel’s outfits, the madness.
Plus Keith Emerson stabbing his keyboard with the knife!
Hour and a half documentary highlighting wild excesses with amused performers.
Why do a song in 3 minutes when you can do it in 33 minutes? Or longer!
Wait till you hear how many groupies the Prog guys pulled. Zero!
I still have my Yes, King Crimson, Genesis, Emerson Lake Palmer, Captain Beyond, Tull, several others.
On vinyl and CD! Ha ha, what a geek!
Ha ha ha. Great times.

When Pop Went Epic: The Crazy World Of The Concept Album - 2016 - UK

When Pop Went Epic:  The Crazy World Of The Concept Album - 2016 - 7/10

Documentary, hosted by a droll Rick Wakeman, explores concept albums.
From early steps to the heyday of the 60’s and 70’s to the excesses that led to parody.
Many “survivors” interviewed, all amused and chuckling at the loon within.
One of the more illuminating interviewees was artist Roger Dean, who explained his private concepts for his Yes covers.
Lots of music - sadly, I own almost every album on LP or CD.
Worse, there were two or three albums I did not have, which I now have to find.
Hopefully, they came out in gatefold.
Great companion to Prog Rock Britannia: An Observation In Three Movements.