Regrets - 2009

Regrets - 2009 - 7/10
AKA - Les Regrets

 
Architect goes to hometown to see Ma in her deathbed.
On the streets, however, he sees his old flame.  Their eyes lock.
For a few hours, they resist, citing marriage vows.
Fate prevails, and they are soon inside each other.
As the old sad song laments,  "...  that old flame might not be stronger, but it's been burnin' longer ..."
Of course there were reasons why they failed years earlier.
He is possessive, obsessive.  She is indecisive, changing her mind every quarter hour.
Mismatched couple, common with late teens and early twenties dating.
Some grow out of this stage, meet more suitable partners.  Others never get over the old torch.
Impeccable acting in an infuriating watch.

The Devil Inside Her - 1977

The Devil Inside Her - 1977 - 5/10

Barnyard stud Joseph tempts two farmer’s daughters.
Faith seems to have the inside track, since he loves her.
Hope, more lustful, begs God to help her.  If not the Almighty, then the devil.

 
And the devil responds, though it appears he has been to a KISS or Insane Clown Posse convention.
In no time flat, he proceeds to impersonate the farm residents so he can sow some seed.
Being XXX, expect an array of lascivious couplings.
Set in 1823, schtuppings and rompings mostly occur outdoors, but grow repetitive.
The big Satanic orgy finale, however, resembles Mardi Gras, bathed in a flood of technicolor lights.

The Conjuring - 2013 - USA

The Conjuring - 2013 - 6/10

 
Family of seven moves into possessed house deep in the woods.
Quickly discovers the boarded up cellar, followed by bumps in the night.
Oh, and the family dog refuses to enter the house.
As always, they have never seen a Horror film or read a ghost story.
Renowned demonologists arrive and paranormal activity soars.
Not a bad film, I was lucky to watch it while a crashing thunderstorm howled outside.
Despite the children, five girls, the director does not succumb to child exploitation.

At The Mountains Of Madness - 2011 - Italy

At The Mountains Of Madness - 2011 - 6/10

 
Still wondering if Guillermo is ever going to get motivated and rock HPL?
You'd sooner get your girlfriend a tentacle outfit, Cthulhu boys, to distract your woes.
Meantime, forget Del Toro and get the 33 minute Italian animated version of ATMOM!
Doomed Miskatonic expedition searches for lost civilization in the frozen wastes.
They discover the labyrinthine city of non Euclidian angles.
And remains of Elder Things!  And Shoggoths!!
Deaths.  First the dogs, then the men.
Entertaining quickie.  Available free in HD with English subtitles.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvpBDopIMxw

Mystery Woman - 2005 - USA

Mystery Woman - 2005-07 - 6/10

 
You win!!  One month at a luxurious, if tiny, island paradise!
Although the isle is fully stocked, you pack viewing essentials.
Your prize collections of Thor, Aquaman, Power Rangers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, He-Man.
One glance back and you see your date clutching shows of her own.
“What do you have?”  you ask.
“I loves me some Hallmark Mysteries!”
(Comment:  If the “love me some” phrase is uttered, you should dump them on the spot.  It’ll never work out.  This person is either stupid or shallow or pretentious or D, all of the above.)
By and large, Hallmark means a plucky crime solving heroine, and her useless male companion, nicknamed Nubbin.
If your date is carrying Mystery Woman, consider yourself unbelievably lucky.
In these mini-movies, Samantha owns a bookstore and seems too busy to date.
Her right hand man, Philby (Clarence Williams III) is an retired intelligence operative, who retains skills and contacts.
The mysteries are rather routine, but this early series is pleasing enough, is not cloying, and does not pander to pre-pubescent fantasies, as does most of the later Hallmark production line.

Ramen Heads - 2017 - Japan

Ramen Heads - 2017 - 6/10
AKA - 映画「ラーメンヘッズ」公式サイト

 
Documentary of Osamu Tomita, Japan's king of ramen.
Shows what goes into his thick broth, as well as noodle techniques.
Outside are lengthy queues for his affordable $8.00 bowls.
A few other shops and chefs are shown briefly, though not enough as far as I was concerned.
Like many, ramen noodles were a staple of my impoverished college youth.
Moreover, I still eat ramen (with far more vegetables than shown here) and was hoping to steal some ideas.
Most of the chefs are male, all of the interviewed diners were male.

She Stoops To Conquer - 2003

She Stoops To Conquer - 2003 - 7/10

 
Theatre junkies, gather round!
During the Covid lockdown, the National Theatre began limited airing of stage classics.
Fathers arrange for their offspring to marry.
Daughter Kate, being appraised, appreciates some qualities of her prospective partner, dislikes others.
Respectful milquetoast or preening reprobate?
Arriving late, suitor Marlow is falsely advised his potential father-in-law is actually the innkeeper.
Misassumptions mount.  Situations are exploited.  Characters find gracious manners tested.
Oliver Goldsmith’s play from 1773 remains a funny, insightful hoot.

Deadline At Dawn - 1946 - USA

Deadline At Dawn - 1946 - 6/10

 
Cockeyed murder mystery set in sleepless Gotham.
Sailor on shore leave wakes up with limited memory and a pocket stuffed with money.
Back tracing his steps, he discovers the corpse of the female who had earlier taken his payday.
Wait!  He also meets a dime-a-dance girl who reluctantly tries to help him.
He is greener than Kansas corn, she is big city bitter.  Will they hit it off?  C'mon.
Script by playwright Clifford Odets is peculiar is numerous ways.
Dialogue is arch and stilted throughout.  Characters employ erudite words and oddly constructed sentences.
The dance girl (a glowing Susan Hayward) is soon joined by a cabbie, then a slew of riders.
Characters who ought to disappear, squeeze tighter in the cab's back seat.  Numerous red herrings.
Fast paced mystery held my interest throughout, mostly for those odd details.

The Look Of Love - 2013

The Look Of Love - 2013 - 5/10

 
Sweeping bio of Soho smut peddler, Paul Raymond, played by Steve Coogan.
Fun to watch as Raymond grows from nudie revues to glossy mens mags to acquiring huge real estate holdings.
Not much depth, however, as years roll from 1958 to 1992 in 101 minutes.
Needless to say, the story was a touch of this, a dash of that, sifted in a shallow bowl.

Nemuri Kyôshirô: In The Spider’s Lair - 1968 - Japan

Nemuri Kyôshirô: In The Spider’s Lair - 1968 - 7/10
AKA - Sleepy Eyes Of Death: In The Spider’s Lair (The Human Tarantula)
AKA - Nemuri Kyōshirō 11: Hito hada kumo

 
In this next to the last installment, Nemuri returns to his childhood village, ever seeking his origins.
Nemuri was the bastard offspring of a raped Japanese female and Satanic / Christian missionary.
Most of the village has been emptied by the nearby castle, home to two disgraced offspring of the Shogun.
As is so often in these films, nobility is corrupt, lecherous, and monstrously evil.
Numerous sword fights and beddings of willing and unwilling females lead to a terrific battle finale.
Film has a great Spaghetti Western score, and the shot composition is impeccable.
Sword fights in this series are always something to behold.
Ichikawa amazing to watch.  This was shot months before he died from cancer.

The Gay Bride - 1934

The Gay Bride - 1934 - 6/10

 
Carole Lombard plays a gold-digger showgirl who targets loaded racketeers.
She is so focused on the prize she fails to see “business” is failing.
Chester Morris plays the Boss’s go-to guy, detail keeper, etc …
He has the best lines and is cynical to the core.  His banter with the digger is deadly.
Lombard, however, overacts and is more than annoying with her schtick.
Aspects were likely adjusted after the Production Code was enforced, yet this remains a sour piece of candy.

The Garden Murder Case - 1935 - USA

The Garden Murder Case - 1935 - 6/10

 
Philo Vance mystery finds our sleuth sniffing amongst the well heeled set.
(Well, how much money is to be made helping poor folks?)
Steeplechase jockey murmurs repeatedly that he will die in his next race.
And so he does!
More deaths follow, with a gold-digging niece the obvious suspect.
Luckily, she's been making damsel eyes at old Philo, a known thorn to police types.
Breezy, a bit boring, dulled by indifferent chemistry between our leads.

Anhedonia - 2019

Anhedonia - 2019 - 7/10

 
Violinist Kino is asked to deliver a cassette to his mentor, a composer.
He sets off, on foot, across the empty landscape.
The cassette had been meant for a film score, except the music was shattering.
Listeners are reduced to despair, to suicide, to incompetence.  Varies per individual.
And yes, deadly rivals seek the tape.
Bleak film proves a heady experience.
Spare dialogue, mirroring the scenery, ranges from profound to pompous to cryptic.
The film, something of a surreal, existential mystery, will intoxicate or irritate.
γνῶθι σεαυτόν

Wanted - 2008 - USA

Wanted - 2008 - 5/10

 
Stale actioner based on comic book.
James McAvoy, with support from bit players like Terence Stamp, Morgan Freeman, and Angelina Jolie, plays office drone sucked into shadowy group called The Fraternity.
Group of assassins who have been operating for a thousand years, selecting kill targets based on the thread pattern from a weaving loom.
If elements sounds vaguely like The Matrix, brace yourself for an overload of “bullet time.”
Main character scuttles and whines throughout, many sequences were preposterous ( rats & wristwatches ), plot about as original as a stale taco.
Director Bekmambetov helmed Russian Night Watch, Day Watch, and Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.
Cheese over excellence, though creative at points, when not derivative.

Nightmare Detective - 2006 - Japan

Nightmare Detective - 2006 - 6/10
AKA - Akumu Tantei // 悪夢探偵

 
Kagenuma has the "gift" or curse of being able to enter into client's dreams - or nightmares.
Police detective Kirishima seeks his assistance with a string of violent suicides, that she believes are murders.
Alright premise, although the leads are depressed downers, lack chemistry, lack screen presence.
Yes, there are ongoing killings of a supernatural origin.
Film makers render this with rapid camera movement and tossing stuff around the set.
color has been heavily desaturated to heighten the gloomy ambiance.
Bearable for awhile, becomes monotonous, finally another cure for insomnia.

Rich Hall's California Stars - 2014

Rich Hall's California Stars - 2014 - 6/10

 
Scattershot history of the Golden State, named after a mythological Amazon queen.
Proceedings are hit n miss, though Hall avoids obvious fruit fly jokes or easy targets.
Instead, he gets right down to ridiculing fevered fortune hunters who flocked to California during the Gold Rush, then skewers robber barons who enriched themselves with the Central Pacific, and this bodes well.
To my mind, he spends way too much time on the Okie migration, possibly because this reinforces his Southwestern shtick.  The flow and pace seem to puddle at this point.
The first third is mercilessly funny.  Front loaded with acid jokes.  His withering comments of the witless Occupy Movement is laugh out loud funny.
The middle third chugs to amused entertainment.
Runs outta gas by the last act.  Hall yaks on and on, the humor evaporates.
I watch and wish it was better.  Too bad.

The Captive - 1915 - USA

The Captive - 1915 - 6/10

 
Set in Montenegro during the Montenegrin–Ottoman War of the late 1870’s.
While Montenegrin men are off fighting the Turks, the state allows Turkish prisoners to be used as farm labor.
Thus, a Turkish noble now works as servant for a peasant girl.
This is not so much a romance, as an accommodation.
He grows accustomed to the work, as well as the girl, her little brother, and the farm animals.
Brief spells of see-saw fighting serve to enliven dull domesticity.
Early Cecil B. DeMille film is well composed and lacks his later over-indulgences.
The Olive Films version is well restored, nicely tinted, with a fine score.

Istanbul - 1957 - USA

Istanbul - 1957 - 5/10

 
Disappointing yarn of smuggling and intrigue set in Turkey.
Weathered and world weary Errol Flynn does well as expat piloting shady flights.
Plot involved missing diamonds, murder, cops n collectors.  Nothing special.
Interesting supporting cast includes Nat King Cole, Werner Klemperer, and Thorin Thatcher.  The female lead was too young for Flynn - or everyone else in the movie.
Within two years Flynn would enjoy a major comeback and be shortlisted for Oscar nominations (The Sun Also Rises).
At this stage, however, he was still living on Zaca, his sailing yacht, on the run from tax collectors, acting in films in various ports of call.
I had small expectations story-wise, but this was a Technicolor film, shot in exotic Istanbul.
The print was fuzzy and washed out.  Not a great flick, but would grade a point higher for a restored print.

Wrestling Women Vs. The Killer Robot - 1969

Wrestling Women Vs. The Killer Robot - 1969 -  6/10
AKA - Las Luchadoras vs el Robot Asesino

 
Buxom, full figured athletes square off in front of an arena of enthusiastic fans!
Meanwhile, a mysterious robot (wearing suit, fedora and sunglasses) kidnaps scientists!
Police attempt to investigate, yet they are easily distracted by curvacious wrestlers.
Toss in a megalomaniacal scientist and a dimwitted, lustful humanoid failure.
Highly entertaining Mexican gem smokes along.
There are five or so ringside bouts, while the murderous robot busts down doors and karate chops victims.
Cosmopolitan cinema for the connoisseur.

The Lady Vanishes - 2013 - UK

The Lady Vanishes - 2013 - 5/10

 
Glossy remake of “The Wheel Spins” by Ethel Lina White, on which Hitchcock based his 1938 classic.
Young flapper meets spinster on a train through the Balkans.
When the old woman disappears, and all passengers declare they never saw her, the girl investigates.
This telling is supposedly more faithful to the book.  No Nazis, just scandal and intrigue.
Nice costumes, claustrophobic train compartments (even a library car), and enigmatic strangers.
Unfortunately, the female lead is extremely unsympathetic.  Rude, entitled, selfish.
You want someone, anyone, to eject her from the train.  Hopefully when it is on a bridge.  A high one.
Blame bad directing and a script too modern for this period piece.
Otherwise, passable wet afternoon film.

The Man Who Was Sherlock Holmes - 1937 - Germany

The Man Who Was Sherlock Holmes - 1937 - 6/10
AKA - Der Mann, Der Sherlock Holmes War

 
Two men halt the midnight train, then climb aboard.
One carries a violin case and smokes a pipe, the other seems a medical man.
The conductor and guards immediately jump to the conclusion,  "This is Sherlock Holmes!"
Not necessarily, though the pair exploit the misassumptions constantly.
They are sucked into a "Russian Dolls" mystery within mystery within mystery.
Brisk comedy, thriller is quite fun, and despite being a Reichsfilme, strikes me as propaganda free.