Human Lanterns - 1982 - Hong Kong

Human Lanterns - 1982 - 6/10 
AKA - Ren pi deng long // 人 皮 燈 籠

 
The rich man, wanting to defeat a rival spendthrift, hires the lantern maker.
Who, as we find out, makes shades from fleshy sources, of which there seem to be plenty.
Our protagonists are vain and boastful, whereas the villain (Lo Lieh) oozes diabolic charisma.
Weak as ever, I root for the baddie, just as hard blondes have ever snared my interest.
Shaw Brothers shocker has swordsplay, horror, scheming, murders.
Grisly midnight gem.

Barbarella - 1968 - France

Barbarella - 1968 - 6/10

 
Our heroine is after a rogue scientist with a life-destroying death ray.
She crash lands, is captured, rescued, and has her first experience of physical sex.
Barbarella proceeds to share the love, continuing with her mission.
Genuine 1960’s artifact has a Euro-design and sensibility.
Less campy, less rollicking than Danger: Diabolik (1968), this tries too hard.
Fonda never looks comfortable onscreen here.

Hansel And Gretel - 2007 - USA

Hansel And Gretel - 2007 - 6/10

 
Two children dash off into the woods, exploring, seeking adventure.
Which they find, rather, a witch finds them!
Oh, tasty, tasty, what a meal they’ll make.
Period costumes are OK, gingerbread house imaginative.
I believe, in trying to lend a fairytale sensibility, it was undershot, the focus too soft.
This grows extremely tedious.
Earliest film from Robert Eggers shows promise.

Pomegranate - 2026 - USA

Pomegranate - 2026 - 6/10 

 
The old wastrel enters the cluttered laboratory.  His louche attitude reeks of affluence and boredom.
Bored with stimulants, narcotics, flesh to flesh melding.  Existence as greasy reruns.
The inventor has breathtaking virtual reality experiences, that might be deadly.
The client has done everything, however.  The sheer boredom of existence has dissipated him.
Extraordinary visuals of this AI SciFi must terrify Hollywood, unless they are already offering cheques.
English subs = https://sub-scene.com/subtitle/3372139

The Cat - 1991 - Hong Kong

The Cat - 1991 - 6/10
AKA - Wèisīlǐ Zhī Lǎomāo // 衛斯理之老貓

Alien monstrosity invades Hong Kong, along with a bitter foe from another system.
Our alien heroes are a pixieish girl and a forceful black cat.
How forceful?  Friend, wait till you behold the epic battle it has with a Rottweiler.
Luckily for us, the adventurer Wisely gets involved.

 
Best way to fight?  Bottles of vodka, set ‘em on fire.  Books, what?
The ridiculous story is matched by the effects.
Glorious nonsense!  Better Wisely film to see is Seventh Curse.
Oh, how I miss HK energy from this era.

The Fare - 2014 - USA

The Fare - 2014 - 7/10

Car driver Harris rolls down a deserted stretch of nowhere.
Seems like a prank, but no, the fare is waiting along the road.
Attractive, a little sad, Penny climbs in, gives her destination.
Both talk freely, swap quips, enter an easy camaraderie.
Until the cab nears a storm, then Penny vanishes.

 
Next scene, Harris heads towards the fare, Penny … into the storm.
Small film with a tremendous heart.
Timeslip, classic mythology, well realized story.
English subs = https://sub-scene.com/subtitle/3370772

Battle Royale II: Requiem - 2003 - Japan

Battle Royale II: Requiem - 2003 - 5/10
AKA - Batoru Rowaiaru Tsū Rekuiemu // バトル・ロワイアルII

 
Why, why, why?
Why did they make this?  Why did I originally buy this?  Why did I rewatch?
Survivors of the first film are now terrorists.
The fascist government reacts by kidnapping more teens and sending them to a remote island.
Opening salvo explodes onscreen, yet exposes an inherent flaw.
There are … were … plenty of “contestants” and most are massacred at this time.  
Combatants who survive are dull and unsympathetic.
Moreover, the film is preachy, action-oriented yes, but laden with messages.

Minoes - 2001 - France

Minoes - 2001 - 6/10
AKA - Miss Minoes

 
Curiosity killed – make that, altered the cat.
After a barrel of illegal waste spills, Minoes the cat drinks it.
Turning into a female human, with a taste for fish and aversion to dogs.
Behind the waste, however, is the town’s most influential man.
Minoes and her league of feline family scurry forth to topple.
Pretty good family fare.  Performed nicely everywhere save for the States (atrocious dubbing).

Schirkoa: In Lies We Trust - 2024 - India

Schirkoa: In Lies We Trust - 2024 - 5/10

 
Schirkoa, home of “Safety - Sanity - Sanctity.”
Anonymity provides all that.  Thus, citizens wear paper bags – always.
Walking, at work, in cafes and bars, in brothels (seeing is believing).
The world is a cross between Kafka and Orwell.  The look is wobbly animation.
Nonconforming settlements are Anomalies, patterned annoyingly after Zion (Matrix).
Interesting for awhile, grows preachy, waddling like a rubber legged duck.

Jason And The Argonauts - 1963 - UK

Jason And The Argonauts - 1963 - 7/10

Jason is sent of a bit of a fool’s errand by an unrecognized enemy.
Bring back the Golden Fleece.  A sheepskin?  No matter.
Jason assembles a team including Hercules … and some other guys.

 
Bare bones of this wonderful Saturday adventure classic.
Intrigue, combat, death, gods, goddesses, jaw dropping effects.

 
Stop-motion effects still hold up, and remain startling.
Herrmann and Harryhausen both fabulous.
CGI, what’s that?

Prelude - 1927 - UK

Prelude - 1927 - 6/10

 
“The boundaries which divide Life from Death are best shadowy and vague.”
Our gentleman, reading Poe, listening to Rachmaninoff, grows anxious.
Imagining his own, premature burial.
For those of hypersensitive bent, I’m afraid this still happens.
Surprisingly effect short.

Man On The Run - 2025 - UK

Man On The Run - 2025 - 6/10

 
Docu-mercial from Paul giving his slant on his later group, “and Wings”.
Voiceovers and archived interviews, carefully curated.
Idyllic scenes from his rustic retreat, studio time, tours both small and mammoth.
By the end, perhaps he tired of the whole being in a band thing.
Crafted by his own production company, released in conjunction with a Wings box set.
Wings was massively popular during their run, and McCartney still has legions of fans.
Disappointed?  View McCartney 3, 2, 1.

Troll - 1986 - USA

 Troll - 1986 - 5/10

 
The Harry Potter family (no, not that one) move into a San Francisco apartment.
One gathers rents were more reasonable in ‘86.
Young Wendy is soon possessed by a troll, who sets about converting building and denizens into magic land.
I was sorta OK with that, except there comes a “friendly witch”, potty mouthed June Lockhart.
Not to be confused with the second film, which is atrocious, this is decent family fare save for June Lockhart.
The sound mix was one of the first that jumped out at me in the era of HiFi VHS.
Quite funny, actually, if one is not predisposed to hate it.

The Enchanted Cottage - 1924 - USA

The Enchanted Cottage - 1924 - 6/10

 
Disfigured and crippled in the Great War, Richard broods in the family manor.
After his fiancé leaves him for another, he decamps to a remote cottage.
Where he meets Laura, unattractive yet possessing a warm heart.
Theirs becomes a marriage of convenience.
Ghosts and specters of the past haunt the cottage, however, and influence the couple.
Fantasy love story is schmaltz, must have struck a chord with the post-war audiences.

The Prestige - 2006 - UK

The Prestige - 2006 - 8/10  

 
A pair of London magicians continuously raise the stakes to outdo each other.
Rivalry escalated into theft and sabotage, bitterness and winner-take-all mentality.
Styles are showmanship versus technical savvy.
Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale inspired casting at the feuding pair.
David Bowie unforgettable in surprise role.
Film rewards numerous watches, revealing more themes, subtexts, symbolism.
Pledge, turn, prestige – wonderfully done.

Beforeigners - 2019 - Norway

Beforeigners - 2019 - 6/10

 
Time travel hopefuls, this is an imaginative entry.
Beforeigners are those who have time-slipped into modern Oslo.
From the Stone Age, the Viking era, and the late 19th Century.
One of the transplants, a Viking shield maid, now a detective, works with an inspector on cases.
Crimes are committed by and against the newcomers, and more arrivals increase social unease and resentment.
Concepts and threads are off-the-scale throughout.
At times, too much so, as narratives and characters ofttimes simply disappear.
Second season introduces King Olaf I, Jack The Ripper, and – wait for it – from Asgard, Odin!
Creators are bursting with ideas, but an overall lack of focus hurts.
S03, which would supposedly conclude the series, seems abandoned.

The Ice Tower - 2025 - France

The Ice Tower - 2025 - 6/10

Reasons unknown, 15-year-old Jeanne runs away from the foster home.
She makes her way to the city, where she shelters in an abandoned warehouse.
Only that turns out to be a studio, where a modern version of “The Snow Queen” is filming.

 
Jeanne, renaming herself Bianca, ingratiates herself and is soon an extra.
Where she falls under the wing – and influence – of Cristina, lead actress.
The girl confuses the fairy tale with the sets, with the performers, with her situation.

 
Visuals are striking, while the pace is glacial.  Sound is atmospheric, then excessive.
Straight-up, European arthouse circa 1975.  Know your taste and tolerance.
More mainstream would be Snow Queen (2002).

Christmas At The Catnip Café - 2025 - USA

Christmas At The Catnip Café - 2025 - 5/10

 
Woo, this looks like a Hallmark card.  That’s because it’s a Hallmark Christmas movie.
Living with felines and feline staff, I KNEW this one would load in the rotation.
California businesswoman inherits a half-share of a cat café in upstate New York.
She just needs the other owner, a self-effacing vet, to sell out so she can buy the condo of her dreams!
Cats?  Schmats!  Send ‘em to the pound or the testing labs!
Predictable romance to the point of insulting the audience.
If players would only act like folks do in real life … then we’d have horror narcissism.

Alien Earth - 2025 - USA

Alien Earth - 2025 - 6/10

 
Above, meet-cute moment when Daisy meets Wendy.
Backup.  Returning to Earth, a Weyland-Yutani research vessel crashes into Prodigy territory.
Prodigy is an upstart mega-corporation, developing synthetic humans.
Anyhoo, the vessel has alien critters.  W-T wants them returned, Prodigy says “finders keepers.”
Sounds like plenty of potential meat on the narrative bones.
Except, producers opted to focus most of this bloat-fest on teenyboppers.
Children, encased in synthetic teenage bodies.
On the plus side, this is the first Alien franchise outing where W-Y employees aren’t the stupidest in the room.
Are writers truly this unimaginative?  Or do they pander to LCD?
One excellent episode (E05), sandwiched between middling and lackluster, indicates what coulda / shoulda been.

The Master And Margarita - 2024 - Russia

The Master And Margarita - 2024 - 7/10  
AKA - Mастер и Mаргарита

 
Sprawling adaptation of Bulgakov’s novel.
The writer suffers a bad week.  His play on Pilate is canceled.  Then he is kicked from the writer’s guild.
Girlfriend Margarita, mistress / muse, his only faithful ally, encourages him to write a novel.
In it, Woland, the Devil, comes to Moscow to expose the hypocrisy of the literati.
Since the CCCP is an atheistic society, they should not believe in God nor the Devil.
But lo, the machinations of evil run wild with laughable results.
The writer, meanwhile, begins to mix fiction with his own situation (not uncommon, I fear).
Heady cinema, with multiple layers.
Surprised this was made during the current Russian government.