Der Spooktrein - 1939 - Netherlands

Der Spooktrein - 1939 - 6/10

 
No, the passengers of Express 429 did not believe in ghosts, either.
Not until that night.
Netherlands remake of the Arnold Ridley play hits the right notes.
Atmospheric Gothic photography, comic elements are playful, not farce.
Stranded passengers this time include a magician and lovely assistant.
Of course, the way station is still haunted, and very dangerous.
Nicely restored version on www.eyefilm.nl
English subs = https://sub-scene.com/subtitle/3370777

Midwinter Break - 2026 - Netherlands

Midwinter Break - 2026 - 7/10

 
Stella gives husband Gerry a late Christmas gift.  Two tickets to Amsterdam.
They depart Glasgow, where they have lived as ex-pat Irish since the Troubles.
Gerry is unaware that Stella is actually scouting for a major change.
Marriage stagnant, she has a mounting crisis of faith.  The old …
“Why are we here?  Does my life have any purpose?”
Elegiac tone throughout  The wonderment of living, the anguish of living.
Younger viewers will be bored.  Better for those facing twilight.
English subs = https://sub-scene.com/subtitle/3369083

Human Centipede - 2009 - Netherlands

Human Centipede - 2009 - 5/10

 
Straight off, the doctor is deranged.  Even his premise is pointless.
Explain that to his drugged and imprisoned guinea pigs.
Three sections: front, middle, caboose.  Head to rear.
All dining on unhappy meals.  Dog food, or leftovers.
The Horror is offset by the grotesque repulsiveness of the premise.
The comedy, and yes, that is pitch black, is again overwhelmed.
Body horror buffs will have no trouble watching with popcorn.
Although you might eye others around you, wondering what part of the chain you would be in.

Saint - 2010 - Netherlands

Saint - 2010 - 6/10  
AKA - Sint

 
Every time December 5th occurs during a full moon, Saint Nicholas reemerges.
Not the jovial bearer of gifts, but the malevolent plunderer.  Of children and adults.
Even though this is Amsterdam, snow laden streets and quays seem deserted.
Expect brutal dismemberments, along with splittings, yet little blood.
Scare factor is quite low, as is the humor.
Entertaining while watching, but little more.
Another lump of coal for your Holiday Horror mix.

Darker - 2022 - Netherlands

Darker - 2022 - 7/10
AKA - Donkerster

After Rhena’s father tucks her into bed, he heads into the woods and disappears.
The forest is forbidding, perhaps haunted or cursed.
Undaunted, Rhena hurries in, then begins to listen, really listen.

 
She defies the god, Atlas, earning repercussions.
Terrific folk horror short from the Netherlands.

Turkish Delight - 1973 - Netherlands

Turkish Delight - 1973 - 6/10

 
Struggling young sculptor begins torrid affair with uninhibited girl.
Her family either disapproves or shrugs.
As ever, can a struggling artist provide?
Youthful hope, marriage, troubles.
Freewheeling story captures the early 70’s before it got all commercialized.
The story consists of numerous flashbacks, so pay attention and stay alert.
Early role for leading man Rutgar Hauer.
Bittersweet love story, extremely erotic and earthy.

Moloch - 2022 - Netherlands

Moloch - 2022 - 7/10

 
Horror outing finds rural inhabitants encountering archeologists.
Out in the bog, diggers find a body, then a string of bodies.
All females, throats slit, going back centuries.
Of course the educated outsiders are thrilled.  For locals, concern mounts daily.  
As do weird sightings, home break-ins, and superstitious legends, disguised yet celebrated.
Folk horror, reminiscent of recent films with similar themes.
Skeptics may say derivative.
If curious, I’d suggest watching cold, as one or two spoilers reveal every single late twist.

Nothing Personal - 2009 - Netherlands

Nothing Personal - 2009 - 6/10

 
Dutch girl sells off entire possessions on the street, pulls off wedding ring in empty flat.
Divorced?  Widowed?  Abandoned?
Next, she is hitchhiking across rainy Ireland.
Finds an isolated house near rugged coast and agrees to housekeeping duties for meals.
The owner is recently widowed.  Both keep each other at arm’s length.
The actual story, slim as it is, watches the growing curiosity each has for the other.
Austere scenery.  I did wonder how such a remote dwelling had electric power.
Also, the meals were pretty spectacular.  Plus, the wine rack seemed bottomless.
Readers of memoirs by Niall Williams and Cristine Breen will identify much of the labors.

The Pillow Book - 1996 - Netherlands

The Pillow Book - 1996 - 6/10

 
Nagiko, model living in Hong Kong, merges art with physical pleasure
From childhood, her father had written calligraphy on her body and this is now an obsession.
Now an adult, she begins writing stories on the naked bodies of lovers.
As with many Peter Greenaway films, there is a tremendous amount of nudity.
To Westerners, characters and storylines may blur as Asian, yet there are really contrasts of Hong Kong and Japanese cultures, with the injection of Jerome, Nagiko’s lover.
Arthouse, approaching pretentious at times, some visuals recall Kwaidan.
I am convinced when I saw this theatrically, Pillow Book was widescreen.  Everything I read now states Greenaway supervised the 4 X 3 transfer.

De Surprise - 2015 - Netherlands

De Surprise - 2015 - 7/10

 
After a series of botched suicide attempts, Jacob decides to do it right.
He hires professionals to erase him from this existence permanently.
Elysium - Professional guide to your final destination.
“Of course we can accommodate you, sir.  Would you have a favorite location, activity, or perhaps option E?”
“Oh, yes!  Option E, just surprise me.”
Sad moody film turns into droll comedy once our protagonist discovers he cannot change his mind.
Dutch movie shifts from poignant to laugh out loud funny to violently lethal.

Borgman - 2013 - Netherlands

Borgman - 2013 - 6/10

 
No, not 7 of 9, nor Locutus.   Arthouse - horror - message film from the Netherlands.
This is either an adult fairy tale or modern day allegory or disturbing parable or . . .
Wait.  According to the booklet, the director declares he deliberately kept the script open-ended, open to audience interpretation.  The result is at once unsettling and infuriating.
Unwashed, on-the-run homeless man knocks doors in exclusive neighborhood, asking to take a bath.
One husband refuses and kicks him out, then the wife permits him in later.
Hot bath with a tray of food and glass of wine.
More transients arrive and occupy the outdoor guest house.  Soon the killings begin.
One of the darkest themes is dream invasion and manipulation, so characters turn against each other.
Is this a xenophobic metaphor for illegal immigrants displacing W Europeans?
Is the wife a sleeper agent?  Is this a riff on Invasion Of Body Snatchers?
Pied Piper update?
Cold - sometimes creepy - more often irritating.
Who knows?  As noted, the lack of resolution will strike many as a sputtering mess.

The Spectacular - 2021 - Netherlands

The Spectacular - 2021 - 7/10
AKA - Die Spectacular

 
Four part thriller of the IRA terror campaign in Belgium and The Netherlands.
IRA targets off-duty British soldiers, but if civilians are killed … collateral damage.
Timeline = 1988 - 1994.
Narratives follow Irish tactics, and efforts of combined government intelligence agencies to thwart.
Well done, although the subtitles leave much to be desired.
Subs I viewed were English (for Dutch speakers), and Dutch (for Irish speakers)..
Chapter titles not subbed, nor were the “aftermath” comments during closing credits.

The Windmill Massacre - 2016 - Netherlands

The Windmill Massacre - 2016 - 5/10

 
Visitors hop the tour bus to see Holland countryside and picturesque windmills.
Save for a father/son, all are solo passengers.
Deeper into wildwood they go, not noticing the darkening sky until their phones don’t work.
Acceptable Slasher,  well photographed and the cast has a couple recognizable faces
Predictable storylines, with a moral underbelly and limited invention.
Nice use of Dutch folklore and an injection of Japanese superstition.
Not top shelf, but good late night watch.

The Glass Menagerie - 2021 - Netherlands

The Glass Menagerie - 2021 - 7/10

 
Isabelle Huppert leads in an Amsterdam production of Williams’ play.
Set in their underground dwelling, mother and two children clutch elusive dreams.
The language is rapid, especially from Huppert, which means subtitles race by.
The language can be a distraction, however.
At one point my wife asked me to pause and “talk.”  I knew what she wanted.  I am Southern and still bear a soft drawl.  That is noticeably missing here.
Casting, reflecting Woke inclusivity, rings false.  There is no way a 1940’s fading belle would ever countenance a prospective suitor of color.
For theatre fans, for Huppert fans, watching her on stage make this indispensable.

Escher: Journey To Infinity - 2018 - Netherlands

Escher: Journey To Infinity - 2018 - 6/10

 
Grrr.  Neither fish nor fowl, this.  Not a biography, nor an analysis of the man’s work.
Much of this is history (lite) and a travelogue, traipsing with Escher from one country to another.
Neither world war is mentioned, though the lead-up to WWII is alluded to.
Two surviving sons provide family incidents and anecdotes.
Escher’s personality, not here.  Art historians or curators?  No.  Just Graham Nash.
One gets the impression the producers did not know, and were not curious, about Escher.

My wife, like Graham Nash, was one of those hippies whom the mathematical artist impressed.
She still has books on him, as well as a framed glass plate which has survived seven relocations.
Had the filmmakers consulted at least one of her books, this might have had more substance.

Family Weekend - 2016 - Netherlands

Family Weekend - 2016 - 6/10
AKA - Familieweekend

 
Pa invites his three adult offspring to the family manor.
Though he suffered a recent heart attack, none bothered to visit the hospital.
They were too busy with plodding careers, going downhill.
None are blind, however.  Dad, while ailing, remains wealthy.  Is an inheritance imminent?
Netherlands comedy of manners pivots from droll to farce to brusque.
Characters wear agendas openly, money of course, which burns their fingers throughout.
Entertaining, if slight.

The Columnist - 2019 - Netherlands

The Columnist - 2019 - 6/10
AKA - De Kuthoer

Columnist Femke receives hate mail, and contemptible comments from online trolls and bully followers.
“Don’t look at them!”  Is the advice she is given.  She cannot resist.
True to her journalistic roots, Femke searches for the real face behind the virtual avatar.

 
From stalking, to a brief introduction, polite confrontation, and the final departure.
Wicked comedy, though it belabors its point after an hour.
Makes an argument about free speech, and how such liberty only applies to oneself or one’s group.
The actual title, De Kuthoer, is not literally translated, though if you read aloud you will grasp the troll tweet.

Spoorloos - 1988 - Netherlands

Spoorloos - 1988 - 7/10
AKA - The Vanishing

While refueling at the large, touristy gas station, the girlfriend disappears.
No one sees anything, there are no surveillance cameras, only a grainy snapshot.
Wisely, or maddeningly, the director does not show us, either.
We view numerous “possibilities,” though these are not red-herrings.
We simply see what the boyfriend sees, or later, remembers.
Gripping study of the training and false starts of a blossoming sociopath.
Remade a few years later in compliance with American attitudes and expectations.