Anna And The Apocalypse - 2017 - UK

Anna And The Apocalypse - 2017 - 7/10

The day before Christmas and school is still in session.
Anna heads to classes, taking a shortcut through the cemetery, singing and dancing all the way.

 
She and her friend John make a horrified discovery.  Zombies infest the town!
What to do?  Fight, naturally.  And keep on singing!
You got it.  A Christmas, zombified musical.  Songs are top notch, too.
Extremely funny version of the hungry dead, and reverential to the genre rules.
Delay your perennial chestnuts, sample this.
Hopefully, the tune below will become a radio favorite.
“It’s That Time Of Year” – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEefZSvh434

A Christmas Horror Story - 2015

A Christmas Horror Story - 2015 - 6/10

 
Per title, holiday horror, anthology style.
North Pole finds Mr. Claus squared off against elves going zombie on him.
Rest of the film takes place around Bailey Downs.
High school journalist students break into school during holiday to investigate mysteriously slaughtered students.
Father - mother - son climb over the “NO TRESPASSING” sign to chop a Christmas tree.
Bickering family visit reclusive, wealthy auntie where a bored, disrespectful son breaks a Krampus statue.
Anchoring the stories is a midnight DJ - Shatner.
Narratives weave back n forth instead of proceeding consecutively, which has irked ADD types on IMDB.
OK enough time waster.  Few scares.  Couple of points for invention and giving Krampus screen time.

A Christmas Carol - 2019

A Christmas Carol - 2019 - 7/10

 
For traditionalists, this may be hard to swallow.
The look and atmosphere of this hews closer to Gustav Doré’s London, rather than John Leech.
Scrooge is hard as flint, but a complete rationalist.  His exchanges with Cratchit illuminate both characters.
Cratchit is not the spineless soul, one senses something akin to respect from his employer.
With most Scrooges, there lies a twinkle behind the “humbug!”  Not with Pearce.
This is a dead soul, with a traumatized childhood.  His home is huge, because he can afford it;  it is empty and bleak because he has no spirit to fill it.
Grim (Grimm) business all around.  Wonderful adaptation.

Black Christmas - 1974

Black Christmas - 1974 - 6/10

 
A decade before director Bob Clark struck holiday gold with Christmas Story ( “... You’ll shoot your eye out ...” ), he helmed this Yuletide slasher.
Olivia Hussey and Margot Kidder star in sorority house, receiving chronic obscene phone calls.
Christmas Eve, the house is invaded, and one by one ... yes, you can guess the predictable plot.
The genre had not hardened yet, so the girls I pointed out did not necessarily die, nor was the “order of victims” followed.
Very slow going proceedings, especially by todays tempo, and gore mavens will lament a lack of blood.
Keir Dullea and John Saxon male roles.

While You Were Sleeping - 1995

While You Were Sleeping - 1995 - 7/10

Once popular Sandra Bullock holiday vehicle, now sliding off radar.
Unfairly, perhaps.  Despite script flaws, this has a lot of heart and a surprisingly melancholic tone.
Female token booth employee rescues affluent man after he is shoved onto train rails and rendered comatose.
Due to misunderstandings, his family thinks she is their son’s fiancee and embraces her into their home.
From there on, complications, funny and bittersweet, ensue.
Slight drawback is the cartoonish score which misinforms scene after scene.

 
The heart of this, however, is an amazing performance by Bullock, whose character, Lucy, is whip-smart, funny, kind hearted, romantic, and desperately lonely.
Though the film is about Lucy, in real life such characters work beside us or live across the hall, yet are completely invisible.  And at Christmas time, generally forgotten.
One of Bullock’s best roles.

Holiday In Handcuffs - 2007

Preface
 

Oh, disaster.
I brought this upon myself.
Someplace earlier, I mentioned Hallmark or Lifetime.
Loki, god of mischief, must have overheard and decided, “Here you go, loser.”

I sat on one end of the sofa, the cat on the other. I had just loaded a perennial holiday favorite, Ric Burns’ festive, The Donner Party, when my bride and her sister returned from late shopping.
“Look, we found a fun family movie in the dollar bin.”
“Huh?”
“You know, something to chase away the holiday blues.”
“I don’t know about you two, but I’m not blue,” I declared. “I sent all my packages out by December 10. All of my recipients have already received their parcels.”
“Well, aren’t you just Mister Perfect?”
“All of my household gift buying is done, too,” I continued. “Presents wrapped, piled in the corner over there.”
Both rolled their eyes, then one asked, “What are you watching?”
“Donner Party,” I said. “Pretty snowflakes and a winter feast.”
“No - no - no. That’s horrible!”
“I know!” one waved the DVD, “let’s watch Holiday In Handcuffs!”
“Huh?”
Then the other pointed. “What are you drinking?”
I held a tumbler with two ice cubes clinking in a sea of gold.
“Medicine,” I replied.
“You’ve had quite enough medicine this week.”  My wife took the glass and headed toward the kitchen.
“Hey! Dude!”
She glanced over her shoulder, “Dudette, please.”
Seconds later, she returned with a wineglass, red ribbon wrapped on the stem along with a sprig of plastic holly.
“What’s this?”
“Chardonnay,” she said.
“Electric Raindeer vineyard,” her sister grinned.
Oh, joy, I thought. Long ago, I realized it was pointless to argue with women. They could persist for hours, days, weeks. I didn’t have the stamina.
The Donners were ejected, the handcuff thing inserted.
“What is this?” I grumbled. “Please tell me the handcuffs involve Miss September.”
“Of course not. This is Hallmark, or something similar.”
“Wholesome holiday entertainment,” said the other, and the sisters toasted glasses.
Five minutes in, the cat, doubtless looking forward to 90 minutes of human misery, starvation and cannibalism, stepped off the couch and sauntered away.
I was less fortunate.
 

Holiday In Handcuffs - 2007 - 5/10

 
Holiday family folly.
Young woman, facing another dateless family Christmas reunion, kidnaps a completely unknown restaurant customer at musket point.  Yes, musket point.  OK, at gunpoint.
One way or another, she hauls him into snow blanketed oblivion.
The family is seemingly perfect.  The backyard even has an outdoor ice rink!
Will the mismatched couple fall in love?
Aarrgghh!!

Now - what if roles were reversed?  A guy kidnaps a female.
Drags her to his backwoods family.  Bet you’re thinking Texas Chainsaw kinfolk.
Not here.  Not remotely.
Aarrgghh!!

The Gathering - 1977 - USA

The Gathering - 1977 - 7/10

 
Holiday gem, now forgotten.
Family sire, separated from his wife, estranged from his children, receives the 90 day expiration notice.
Wants to make amends for misplaced priorities (business over family), convinces wife to get family to come home for Christmas.
A bit mushy, but thankfully not as touchy-feelie as most Christmas fare.
Relationships between Boomers and WWII parents were extremely polarized.  This film glosses over problems, and drapes a gauze of hope and over the proceedings.  It is a holiday film, after all, but underlying tension is constant.
For a TV movie, this had top tier talent behind the scenes (production by Hanna-Barbera, music by John Barry), and actors who would be mainstays throughout 70's airwaves (Hill Street Blues, Mary Tyler Moore, Soap, Lou Grant, Trapper John, M*A*S*H, Remington Steele).
Bittersweet.

The Holly And The Ivy - 1952 - UK

The Holly And The Ivy - 1952 - 6/10

An extended family gathering at the paternal home.
Grown children, in varying degrees of estrangement.  Two aunts, one merry, the other crusty.
And the father, the widower parson, dependent on daily assistance yet blind to his changing family.

 
Well captures bittersweet reunions, buried memories disturbed, ignorant preconceptions.
Under the surface is surprising anger, though this is not an unhappy film to view.
A modern rendition might replace anger with cynicism, emotion with a façade.

The Bishop’s Wife - 1947

The Bishop’s Wife - 1947 - 7/10

Once a perennial Yule favorite, less shown nowadays.
Bishop (non Catholic) prays for help.
Not guidance, not solutions, help.
An angel is sent - Cary Grant.
The angel works, likes God, in mysterious ways, not always understandable.
A small sweep of characters are touched by him, shown the light or their burdens eased.
Old fashioned, uplifting movie.  Wry, not syrupy.  Gentle, not noisy.  Several unforgettable scenes.
Impossible to imagine this remade today, the generation of cynicism giving way to the ironic age.
Most could not imagine a chance encounter with the Divine.

 

Remember The Night - 1940 - USA

Remember The Night - 1940 - 7/10

 
Unfairly forgotten Christmas chestnut with Stanwyck and MacMurray before their classic Double Indemnity.
Female shoplifter hauled before jury right before Christmas.  Shrewd DA gets her trial postponed because he knows juries are more merciful during Yule.  Once he realizes the woman has no place to stay, no money, he feels guilty.
Until he realizes they both hail from the same state, then he offers her a ride back home.
Film, from a brilliant Preston Sturges script, runs cynical, funny, bitterly sad, sentimental.
Stanwyck and MacMurray display marvelous chemistry, shifting effortlessly between wary and hopeful.
Both are city souls, however, and dead honest with themselves.
The trip from city to country is the journey from calculating adulthood to innocent childhood.
The contrast between their childhood homes is heartbreaking.
The old homestead, a bygone world, seems already a fading memory here, as the States poised for war.
Sentimental, yes - but not icky.
Reinforces a personal hope that a good individual can redeem a borderline soul.

Silent Night, Lonely Night - 1969 - USA

Silent Night, Lonely Night - 1969 - 6/10

 
Over Christmas in snow packed Amherst, John and Katherine repeatedly cross paths.
Katherine’s  son is in prep school, recovering from an illness.
John’s suicidal wife is in an mental institute.
Gradually, as they spend more time together, they share stories.
Low key film is not so much a love romance, but shared compassion.
Ships that pass in the night, as it were.
Lloyd Bridges and Shirley Jones have nice chemistry.

Christmas Holiday - 1944 - USA

Christmas Holiday - 1944 - 6/10

 
One of the most misleading Christmas titles ever.
After young lieutenant receives his commission, he shows comrades an engagement ring, then receives the Dear John telegram.
He opts to fly to San Francisco, nonetheless, have it out with the woman who dumped him and married another.
Narrative shifts almost immediately as his passenger plane is forced down by bad weather to New Orleans.
A newsman tags the lieutenant as a lost soul and takes him to a “sporting house” where he meets one of the girls, Deanna Durbin.
They go to Christmas Eve Midnight Mass, then to an all night coffee shop, where she starts to tell how a nice girl from Vermont wound up in a Louisiana brothel.
Look for Gene Kelly in genuinely offbeat casting.
Depressing Christmas Noir, with almost every single character miserable, doomed, unhappy.
Durbin regarded this as her best film.

Nativity! - 2009

Nativity! - 2009 - 6/10

 
Hello class, this year’s Christmas show will be fabulous!
A friend in Hollywood is coming to check it out!  You’ll be famous!
Oh, the tangled web fueled by bravado.
Paul is a very disgruntled teacher, who views his life as crap.
He is coerced into producing the annual show, another step downward.
Most of this is unpleasant and unstructured.  The cast was urged to improvise.  It shows.
Paul’s assistant, Mr. Poppy, would be viewed with suspicion in any other film or world.
This was heading for a 4/10 until the finale turned out to be the whole Christmas show.
No medley (like the lame Little Voice route).  Big numbers, well done.

Susan Slept Here - 1954 - USA

Susan Slept Here - 1954 - 6/10

 
Film set during Christmas, but not necessarily a holiday story.
Vice cops drop off 17 year old juvenile delinquent (Debbie Reynolds) to 35 year old Hollywood writer (Dick Powell - who was 50 when this came out), and leave her in his care during Christmas.
Creepy premise for romantic comedy fluff.
I am a big fan of Mr Powell, though, and sheepishly enjoyed this one.
Lush, over saturated Technicolor hues, and the overall design was packed with reds and greens, white trees, ornaments, presents in foil.
Great dream sequence, as well, with Reynolds doing a trapeze/pole dance thing inside a giant bird cage, while Powell (in sailor’s uniform), tempted by Anne Frances as ensnaring spider femme.
Powell’s last movie role.

Last Christmas - 2019

Last Christmas - 2019 - 5/10

 
Overwrought, puerile Christmas fable that is inferior Hallmark clone.
Angry, self-loathing Kate barely holds her job, abuses her friends after they let her couch crash, dodges medical appointments.
Oh yeah, despite some sort of health thing, her character is  still shallower than a cartoon.
Into her life rolls Rob, on his bicycle.  A perfect specimen.  Upbeat, positive.
Will they get together?  Will across-the-board negativism, cynicism, toxicity sparkle by the credits?
Story is as transparent as a plastic sack.  Even 1930’s audiences would have rolled their eyes.
The screenwriter, who has penned better, wrote a story for low expectations.
Rest easy, George Michael, your legacy is secure.

Susan Hill’s Ghost Story (The Small Hand) - 2019

Susan Hill’s Ghost Story (The Small Hand) - 2019 - 5/10

 
Your talented child writes a ghost story.
“This is good enough to be a movie,”  you think.  And you being rich, make it so!
That film would not be any less underwhelming that the title above.
A book dealer arrives at a rival’s spacious manor to sell a rare (pricey) edition.
Next beat, the book dealer is buying a stately estate of his own, although it is a shambles.
OK, you book sellers, can you afford to buy a 3-4 story albatross?
Wait!  The house is haunted!
The plot is underwritten, the characters are empty sketches, the music is contrived and bombastic.
This is an “attempt,” a failed attempt.
Pity the actors, shame on the “creative team” for this lump of Christmas coal.

The Donner Party - 1992 - USA

The Donner Party - 1992 - 8/10

 
Everyone has their holiday favorites.
The Donner Party documentary is the American Dream, turned upside down into nightmare.
Back in 1846, a portion of the covered wagons rolling west to California, left the main body to take a "shortcut."
Hastings Cutoff proved longer, far more difficult than predicted, and devoured precious time.
By the time their wagons reached the Sierra Mountain foothills, winter arrived.
The Donner group was trapped near Truckee, forced to winter there without food or supplies.
Snow began to fall ... and fall ... and fall.  Days turned into weeks, weeks into months.
They ate the cattle, they ate the oxen, they ate the horses.  They ate the leather leads and harnesses, they ate grass and bark off trees.  They ate their pets.
Finally, they started on the last remaining form of meat.  The other white meat.
When they were finally saved in the late spring, rescuers were horrified by what they found.
True story.

Shadow Island Mystery: The Last Christmas - 2010 - Canada

Shadow Island Mystery: The Last Christmas - 2010 - 5/10

Granddad summons his estranged family to his island home.
He’s dying, see?  But instead of trying to make nice at the end, he is being a dick to the last.
There is a puzzle to solve.  The winner gets all his money.  Losers get jack.

Within five minutes, I’m asking,  “Is this a Hallmark flick?”  (These things are inconceivably popular.)
I am ignored.  Undeterred, I carry on a personal running commentary.
“Grampa has that big ole house, and all the cabins?  For what?  For when?
“The island has a power line?  Holiday lights everywhere!  Who strung those?
 

“They better hide the booze, that daughter drinks like a fish.
“Whoa!  Talk about a merry pair of … uh … festive ornaments.

 
“Hey, since when does Hallmark have mattress action and pole in the velvet?
“Isn’t there supposed to be a mystery?”
Early proto-Hallmark film, before they adopted a rigid formula of feisty heroines, sexless men, murder(s) and clues aplenty, the insufferable bland romance, comic relief characters.
None of that here.  Yet despite the cleavage and bed romping, this is a holiday bore.

Alias Boston Blackie - 1942 - USA

Alias Boston Blackie - 1942 - 5/10

 
Fast paced, watchable programmer in the long running series.
This is the “Christmas episode,” though that is really stretching.
Some indoor decorations, characters wishing seasons greetings.
Otherwise, streets look hot and sunny.
During charity revels (dancing girls and a bounding clown) in the slammer, one of the cons escapes.
Inspector Fararday is there, as is Blackie, on whom Farraday eyes as suspect number one.
Chases follow escapes follow temporary captures, looped several times.
Truly, if you have seen one Boston Blackie, you’ve seen them all.
Chester Morris breezes effortlessly as the nimble, reformed crook, always able to aid an attractive female.

The Blue Carbuncle - 1984 - UK

The Blue Carbuncle - 1984 - 8/10

 
“It’s a bonny thing,”  said he.  “Just see how it glints and sparkles. Of course it is a nucleus and focus of crime.  Every good stone is.  They are the devil’s pet baits.  In the larger and older jewels every facet may stand for a bloody deed ... ”
Holiday chestnut from Arthur Conan Doyle.  Sinister jewel is stolen, promptly found and identified by Sherlock Holmes.
That is early in the plot, however, as Holmes and Watson proceed to backtrack the trail of the stone, unearthing the truth behind the theft.
The Victorian Christmas remains constant throughout.  Bracing cold, wandering carolers, the goose.
Wonderful production values and a sense of humor fill the show.
Jeremy Brett, in this, the initial series, brims with intensity as Holmes.

The Unthanks: A Very English Winter - 2012

The Unthanks:  A Very English Winter - 2012 - 7/10

 
Folksinger sisters Rachel and Rebecca Unthank explore rural festivals in bleak winter.
They begin on All Souls Night (Halloween) and end on 21 February with a pancake race.
For those sick of it, Christmas is barely mentioned.
This focuses on darker traditions such as ritual combats, door to door begging, bonfires and explosions.
As one said,  “The battle between good and evil, played out in the bitter cold.”

 
Interesting throughout.  Everyone seems cheerful and helpful, but I couldn’t help wondering how perfect such nights would be to commit and conceal a murder or two.
Subtitles might be helpful, the girls have pronounced Northumberland accents.

Back In Time For Christmas - 2015

Back In Time For Christmas - 2015 - 7/10

 
Two part show lets nuclear family celebrate Christmas’ past.
40's - 50's - 60's - 70's - 80's - 90's
Decorations and presents climb from wartime austerity to 90's affluence.
Accent on that word, affluence.  Family lives a nice upper middle class lifestyle, no out of work types here.
Participants in this “real life” reenactment are likeable, and seem less cautious or rehearsed than other shows.
The 60's house was bachelor Lounge to the max.  The two sisters wore appropriate hairstyles - nice touch.
Depends on your mood, I suppose.  Alternative to films you’ve watched till you’re sick.
Slade overload?  Beware of the  70's.

The Blackcoat’s Daughter - 2016 - Canada

The Blackcoat’s Daughter - 2016 -  6/10
AKA - February

 
Moody thriller, set in a Catholic girls school during winter break.
For two girls, parents are late or no-shows, but the cleaning staff will look after them.
Both girls are suffering a crisis, one of flesh, one of faith.
Meanwhile, one set of parents, approaching late at night, pick up  female hitchhiker.
Like the two students, she also is deeply troubled.
The rest is atmosphere and underlying tension.  Stray details coalesce, but they often slip past quietly.
Viewers who prefer visceral horror, screaming, chopping, jump scares, will find little here.
Fans of subliminal terror will enjoy much more.

The Thing From Another World - 1951

The Thing From Another World - 1951 - 7/10

 
Another wintry alternative.
Polar station housing military and scientists investigate an unexplained crash.
Quickly, they realize the wreckage embedded in the ice is a UFO!
Going by the book, they opt to remove it using explosives.
Yep, the definition of "military intelligence."
Then one of the soldiers sees the body, which they swiftly ferry back to their base.
What could go wrong?

I had viewed this classic many times, but not for twenty years.
Holds up fairly well, and there were sequences I had totally forgotten (eg: incubators).
I kept spotting modern homages / swipes from this movie.