Human Lanterns - 1982 - Hong Kong

Human Lanterns - 1982 - 6/10 
AKA - Ren pi deng long // 人 皮 燈 籠

 
The rich man, wanting to defeat a rival spendthrift, hires the lantern maker.
Who, as we find out, makes shades from fleshy sources, of which there seem to be plenty.
Our protagonists are vain and boastful, whereas the villain (Lo Lieh) oozes diabolic charisma.
Weak as ever, I root for the baddie, just as hard blondes have ever snared my interest.
Shaw Brothers shocker has swordsplay, horror, scheming, murders.
Grisly midnight gem.

The Hidden - 1987 - USA

The Hidden - 1987 - 6/10

 
Los Angeles cops have their hands full with a spree murderer.
Mild mannered citizen, only he is now a raging killer.
After an onslaught of bullets, the perp is taken to hospital, where he is expected to die.
He expires, except what possessed him jumps.
An alien body jumper, with a taste for Ferraris, automatic weapons, and carnage.
Enter an FBI agent, knowledgeable about the quarry, in whatever host.
Wild SciFi, Horror, buddy cop flick, years ahead of its time.

Rose Of Nevada - 2025 - UK

Rose Of Nevada - 2025 - 6/10 

 
Thirty years on, the self-named ship slips into port.  Abandoned.
A skipper appears who will pilot the craft, yet they need a two man crew.
Enter the visiting stranger, and an impoverished local.
Who step into the shoes of the lost crew … in more ways than one.
Rugged film does not flinch from the realities of fishing.
Unexplained elements are fine, although the plot grows repetitive.
Overall bleak tone along the lines of Bait and Enys Men.
English subs = https://sub-scene.com/subtitle/3372674

The Healing - 2012 - Philippines

The Healing - 2012 - 6/10 

 
Seth takes her dying father to a tiny village where a miraculous “healer” lives.
The results are astounding.
So much so, that ailing friends and neighbors demand she take them. 
The next time, something is different.  The healer is tired, but they insist.
Back home, miracles.  Then … a dark reckoning.
Philippines supernatural, with a whiff of earlier Hong Kong horrors.
English subs = https://sub-scene.com/subtitle/3372672

The Haunted Palace - 1963 - USA

The Haunted Palace - 1963 - 6/10 

 
The village of Arkham finally has enough of Curwen, the aristocratic dabbler.
Even dying, he swears vengeance on the Arkham descendants.
100+ years pass and the estate goes to his descendant, Charles Dexter Ward.
A hilltop palace, with two surviving (?) servants and a framed portrait.
Guess whose personality begins to overrule young Ward?
Poe title, Lovecraft setting and characters, Price and Chaney give good performances.

Hansel And Gretel - 2007 - USA

Hansel And Gretel - 2007 - 6/10

 
Two children dash off into the woods, exploring, seeking adventure.
Which they find, rather, a witch finds them!
Oh, tasty, tasty, what a meal they’ll make.
Period costumes are OK, gingerbread house imaginative.
I believe, in trying to lend a fairytale sensibility, it was undershot, the focus too soft.
This grows extremely tedious.
Earliest film from Robert Eggers shows promise.

Pitch Black - 2000 - USA

Pitch Black - 2000 - 6/10 

 
Spacecraft is perforated by meteorites and crash lands on an uninhabited desert planet.
Survivors are a mixed lot, including a taciturn killer, Riddick.
Empty, the desert planet is not, for there are creatures that emerge at night.
And a very long night, indeed, is approaching.
First in the Riddick franchise makes the most of a limited budget and relies on Diesel’s charisma.
Predictable formula of “another one bites the dust” is, nevertheless, blushing fun. 

One For The Road - 2023 - USA

One For The Road - 2023 - 6/10

 
The party in the bar is breaking up.
Then a couple of the guests ask the old barfly, Booth, about the history of ‘Salem’s Lot.
Acceptable adaptation of the King sequel.
Acting is passable, the black and white flashbacks are well done.  
For buffs of the writer, this should grow on you, draw you in.
English subs = https://sub-scene.com/subtitle/3372458

Ghost Bride - 2017 - Philippines

Ghost Bride - 2017 - 6/10 

 
Mayen is the fiercely independent daughter in a struggling family.
The family are performers in old-fashioned Chinese opera. 
No one attends much, owing to television and cellphones.
Father is a financial failure, the family faces eviction.
Mayen, beautiful Mayen, has suitors.  Greedy, sleazy, lying, two-faced.
A matchmaker offers a huge amount of money if – if – Mayen marries a dead man.
Philippines horror takes its sweet time to get going.
Forty minutes in, however, once the agreement is made…hold on.
Wildly, deliriously over-the-top mash of horror, monks, priests, demons, ghosts.

Ants - 1977 - USA

Ants - 1977 - 5/10 
AKA - It Happened At Lakewood Manor

 
A construction crew upsets a gargantuan colony of ants.
Do they notice?  Ha, ha, silly.
A hundred-year-old hotel, is now under attack by crawlies, as well as a greedy property developer.
Preposterous in many aspects, but will make you itchy, nevertheless.
Most of the “rescue” strategies turn out to be unintentionally funny.
English subs = https://sub-scene.com/subtitle/3372261

The Magic Man - 1984 - Ireland

The Magic Man - 1984 - 6/10 

 
Rich man Tweedy has died, and burglars ransack his house, finding naught.
They switch to graverobbing – not even two pennies.
Enter traveling magician, Mesmero, with magic glasses, who sees all, knows all.
The thieves intend to outfox the magician.
Haunting film by Roy Spence manages to instill horror, mystery, revenge in Gothic style.
Spence films on iPlayer = https://ifiarchiveplayer.ie/royspence/

Devil’s Mouth, The - 2026 - USA

The Devil’s Mouth - 2026 - 6/10

 
“This way, through the teeth of the devil’s mouth.”
Rich turistas who bribe their way past one warning after another.
Self-centered narcissists and influencers, demanding to go the hardest way.
Into the underwater cave system.

 
Only to realize a Bull Shark is also trapped in the labyrinth with them.
Worse, it’s hungry, and has a deplorable attitude.
Good blend of shark attacks and claustrophobic cave adventures.
Similar to 2019’s 47 Meters Down: Uncaged, probably better.

Blood Thirst - 1971 - Philippines

Blood Thirst - 1971 - 5/10

 
One might think the girls would not walk home alone.
Middle of the night, deserted streets, with a serial killer stalking.
Corpses are drained of blood, arms sliced open.
Baffled Manila police chief contacts a Stateside buddy.
Who then spends most of his time inside a club, watching Serena.
Predictable Horror outing, albeit interesting for the Philippines locale.
English subs = https://sub-scene.com/subtitle/3372135

Blade - 1998 - USA

Blade - 1998 - 6/10 

 
The day-walker, the vampire immune to sunlight.
His blood sought by foes, whom he dispatches in droves.
Yes, a vendetta of bad blood and power.
Terrific, modern reboot of the bloodsuckers.
Wealth, a caste structure, forbidden texts, treacherous ambition, and action.
With bloodletting, a lot of crimson, rave scene a highlight.
A role Wesley Snipes seemed born to play.

Shark Girl - 2024 - USA

Shark Girl - 2024 - 3/10 

 
The nuclear power plant near Venice Beach (!?!) has a leak that goes unreported (!?!). 
A great white shark swims into the discharge and is altered.
How?  Who knows?  It bites model Heidi, altering her … mouth.
Heidi now sorts obstacles and difficulties the old-fashioned way.  Chomp-chomp-chomp.
Not scary, not funny, not campy.  Script is beneath stupid.
Aside from the two playing Ron and Gina, none of the thespians tried to act.
Appeared to be directed by an AI bot via cellphone.

Abruptio - 2023 - USA

Abruptio - 2023 - 7/10 

 
Lester is having a bad run.  Age 35 still living with parents, numbing workplace, love life in the dumpster.
Then he notices the scar in the back of everyone’s neck.  In his own neck.
Where the bomb has been implanted – if instructions are not obeyed.
What instructions?  Start murdering people.
Wildly imaginative, high concept Horror using body puppets.
Heavy on splatter, fueled with paranoia, dosed with Kafkaesque humor.
Certainly not for all tastes, yet jammed with X-Files references, as well as a Ligottian world view.

Beast From Haunted Cave - 1959 - USA

Beast From Haunted Cave - 1959 - 5/10 

 
“I’m telling you, Byron, that thing was in the mine where I placed the explosives.  It’s been following us since.”
Chicago mobsters hit a South Dakota gold vault and steal only bars of bullion they can carry on their backs.
Then, they ski cross-country in a blizzard to meet the plane … if the snow ever stops.
The beast resembles a land-crawling, groping tentacled cephalopod, amidst sticky webs.
Caper heist – winter survival – el cheapo monster – and a whole mess of yak, yak, yakking. 

Storm Warning - 2007 - Australia

Storm Warning - 2007 - 6/10 

 
Celebrating a pregnancy, husband and wife set sail for relaxation.
Too bad they forget to check the weather forecast.  Reference title.
They end up stranded on an island … where rednecks are going reefer.
Aroused males, whose mouths water at the French wife.
Rough Ozploitation survival film.  Fans of Mick Taylor will enjoy.
Mind you, Mick would have been unimpressed.

Sorceress - 2026 - Poland

Sorceress - 2026 - 6/10 
AKA - Czarownica

 
Karol is antisocial, not especially interested in the tavern Gaja hauls him to. 
Until he encounters a dark-haired flirt who sweeps him away.
Karol has been glamoured.  There is a slice of the dark girl’s backstory.
Enough to know she can be dangerous.
Polish short plunges into uncertainty, then taps out.  Too bad. 

Feng Shui - 2004 - Philippines

Feng Shui - 2004 - 6/10 

 
Joy finds a mirror on the bus, left behind by a passenger.
The mirror is a bagua design, meant to bring good luck to the possessor.
And indeed, Joy’s luck soars.  Job promotion, husband gets a bonus, the new house.
Alas, there is no free lunch; for each fortune, there is a death.
The bagua is a cursed thing, with a deeply ugly history.
Film mixes greed, Daoism and supernatural elements.